Even though I know no one will read this I’m still driven to write. Most will say it’s the Pathfinder training in me and maybe that’s the reality of it all. I like to think that it’s the influence of my mother coming out. However, I’m certain the truth is much more prosaic; I just want something to be left after me once I’m gone.
Caution was a hallmark I was taught and being unseen was always the goal. Already I’ve fallen far short of that goal. The group I’m with doesn’t seem to understand the power of wizards and how far reaching their plans can be…stretching even to the planes beyond our knowing or time we can’t see.
A fanatic follower we have with us likes to leave his mark everywhere on The Whispering Wizards things thinking that he is declaring the power of his god for all to know. The reality is that no one knows better then The Whispering Wizard the power of his god…what with his failing at the chance to attain the same gifts. That tweaking if his nose will be related to our undoing I have no doubt.
However the truth of the matter is; I couldn’t resist the chance to leave my own mark – in a matter of speaking. In my mother’s outlook it was leaving someone alive – I made an attack and left a few damaged but alive purely driven out of ego.
But isn’t being an adventurer an ego driven choice? I personally had no choice in my life but Meryk had a chance at some point in his brief history. He could have been a farmer – or even a driven priest of his god serving elsewhere – or anything – but he’s on the path set before him and unlike me isn’t plagued with doubt. More importantly; he’s taking to it with gusto and glee. Emma has the same gusto and more of the annoying mindless happy outlook but doesn’t seem to see all that’s before us. Meryk does, I believe, and doesn’t blink an eye at the Whispering Tyrant. A fanatic for sure – .
On one side it’s a direct magical connection to us all. His mark makes it easier to find us – in the simple casting of a single spell that any mage might know. My casting sunlight (no really – I was chosen!) at a wraith not so much. However, in the end both were ego driven and I should know better – having been taught caution by the best.
From what I know of my mother she was caution incarnate. Other then that not so much – Not what a daughter should know.
Did she make mistakes? Did she tweak the nose of the powers that be and live? Did she spend all her time in the shadows never stepping out, or was she drawn to the light? Did she live her life afraid? Can I do enough to catch her attention? Do I want to? I don’t’ know. I do know that attention is something I was taught never to seek and always be afraid of but that calls to reason: How much am I my own person … or my mother’s tool?
Mother is still alive and how much on a practical level should I reject her advice? How much can I believe in a woman who sends her children in to the multiverse to wage her wars? How much can I ignore her advice?
In the end I have to be the best I can be…and if the best I can be is sometimes arrogant then so be it.
Another thing; Mother always said regret is yet another weapon to your enemies…don’t they have enough and why should you give them more?